What will it take in our lives for us to finally say “God is not good”? Wait! Did you read that right? Yes, you did! Let me repeat it “what will it take in our lives for us to finally say, “God is not good”?
In case you find this to be a crazy question I have asked myself this very question in my happiest of times in preparation for the dark moments. The moments when I know Satan will fight me the very hardest to get to my mind and deepest thoughts. This question forces me to answer - and when I ask myself this question during the good times it allows me to answer truthful and right and not out of emotion or anger of the painful dark times. By doing this it has helped to develop a pattern of right thinking before the bad has ever happened. As I know it will happen at some point.
My answer to this question I ask myself - “nothing”! “There is nothing”, I say to myself,
that can or ever will separate the love of God from me. He is always good and always right - no matter what! God is good to me and He is good to you. God loves me and He loves you! This training of right thinking has been a tool that I have used through the years. And as the dark times of grief and sadness has reared its ugly head I am thankful for God’s patience and love as He guides me through these moments that in our flesh are completely overwhelming and to much for me, or for you, to handle in and of ourselves. Praise the Lord I don’t have to and neither do you! Christ is my burden bearer and makes my yoke easy and light even on the hardest of days.

At the moment of the story you will read below it had been roughly a month since I stood by my father in laws bedside. The family in anguish of soul as we said our Earthly goodbyes. My father in law, Dennis Higgins Sr., was diagnosed with Stage 4 Lung Cancer. Exactly nine weeks after his initial diagnosis he was ushered into Heaven to be with our Savior. The complete shock of his cancer diagnosis and watching his agonizing death could never be put into adequate words as it still hits like a “punch to the stomach” rendering you broken and shaken all over again.
But many of you, I’m sure, have felt the raw and complete debilitating sting of death.

My mother in law drove to our home on this particular evening and graced us with her presence. We spent time together around the table reminiscing about days gone by. We laughed, cried and shared familiar stories.
As she collected her things to make her way home she began making her rounds of hugs and saying goodbye to the family. As she made it to me she looked deep into my face, put her arm around me and said, “how are you”? I was a little stunned & slightly embarrassed by the question because I was going to ask her the same question, and certainly her feelings were my main concern and mine, to me, were irrelevant at the moment. But, maybe in her godly, pastors wife wisdom she could see the complete sadness in my face that I was desperately trying to hide from her. I wasn’t sure but it seemed as if she could see deep into my soul in that moment. My mother in law had been a pastors wife for over 40 years. She is one of the godliest ladies you will ever meet. As I continued to try and conceal my true feelings to her I replied in a shaky voice, “I am ok”. Her eyes were glassy with tears but she graciously accepted my answer. She then turned to her oldest son, my husband, Dennis Jr. Grabbing his neck she held on tight to him. The tears that I had fought so hard to suppress began to well up all over again as I desperately fought back falling apart in her presence. My mind raced with memories as I tried to take in this moment like a still picture. I was filled with great love but also an overwhelming deep sadness for the situation unfolding in front of me. With a firm grip around his neck she then asked her son the same question, “how are you”?
As he processed the question, quietness filled the room for a few seconds, and I whispered out loud the only word that came to my mind, “surviving”. We are surviving!

Do you ever feel like you are just merely “surviving”? Have you ever heard of the statement “survival of the fittest”? Although I am well aware of the statements origin, and I am in complete dis-agreement with the thought process behind its meaning, the statement has always intrigued me. Years ago I began taking the original meaning of the coined saying and have often used the expression but I added my own “twist” to it. I developed a spiritual application for myself.

As a Christian and child of God I remind myself often that the ones who make it and “survive” are the ones most fit for the battles they will face. The times where I have struggled the most and felt I “lost” the battle are the times where I have failed to put God first and I shamelessly and solely relied on my own strength to get me through. It never turns out good!
The Devil is a masterful and professional game player and he knows he can take us down when he is playing the game  and we are opposing him in our own strength. He will win every time. We are not strong enough to fight him in our flesh- we aren’t! BUT when I have indulged on God, powered up in his presence, and put on the whole armor of God - then, and only then, because of Christ’s power and His strength, I can win every single time. I can have the victory through Jesus Christ our Lord!
Zechariah 4:6b ...Not by might, nor by power, but by my spirit, saith the LORD of hosts.

The trials of life, the heartache and hardships that have come, and will come again, are a direct result of a sin-cursed Earth. These dark moments often leave us totally breathless, feeling overwhelmed, sad, hurt and depressed. Maybe there’s a feeling of betrayal, or, maybe we are just plain angry at the situation that has been forced upon us, or, all of the above!
The pain often leaves a indelible sting that we don’t see how we will ever get rid of, soothe, or overcome - much less see through the fog of the tears and past the sadness that has been branded upon us. The imperfection of Earth is a reality and although we would like for it to be a perfect place, free from heartache and pain, we know this is not the case and it will never  be while we live here.
This was solidified at the Garden of Eden when man and woman dis-obeyed God. They were taken out of the Garden and forced to live in a world outside of perfection. What a shocking blow the outside world must have been to them.  I wonder in those days following their expulsion from the Garden how there must have been a “survival of the fittest” mindset at times as they battled their new elements? I am sure they wondered if God forgot about them. I am sure they questioned if God had left them all alone in this shocking new world of work, pain, struggle and death.
BUT, of course, God knew exactly what would happen before they did and God never leaves them nor forsakes them...nor does He us!!

Our greatest test is how we choose to handle these “survival moments” when they do come. Making the deliberate choice everyday to spend time with the Lord, even if we don’t want to or we can barely find the strength to. Then allowing Christ to wholly reign supreme (even in the uncertainty of what’s coming next in our life), and then letting HIM alone be our joy and reason for “surviving”. Only then will we find we have arrived at a place of total & complete peace while walking through the storm or the dark valley. We will also find we are not only surviving these shocking turn of events but because of his great love for us, His amazing grace to us, His sweet mercy gifted for us, and through HIM alone, we seeHe has been there all along. He has been holding us up and carrying us through when we didn’t think we were able to go one more step.
We are now able to look back and begin to see with eyes of clarity the goodness and grace of the Lord even through the trial. We realize as the veil of film lifts from our weary eyes that we are not just merely surviving but because of HIM we are abundantly THRIVING.️

John 16:33 “These things I have spoken unto you, that in me ye might have peace. In the world ye shall have tribulation: but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world.”