Thankful Even in the Storm - Jen McMillan

Therefore being justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ: By whom also we have access by faith into this grace wherein we stand, and rejoice in hope of the glory of God. And not only so, but we glory in tribulations also: knowing that tribulation worketh patience: and patience, experience; and experience, hope: And hope maketh not ashamed; because the love of God is shed abroad in our hearts by the Holy Ghost which is given unto us.(Romans 5:1-5)

When I come to Romans 5, my mind immediately goes to verse 8: “But God commendeth his love towards us, in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.” This verse is so well known and so precious, but it seems that as many times as I have read through this passage that I have just read right over the previous verses. Just recently, God shed more light to these first five verses. I am so thankful that Christ is my Saviour. I am thankful for His eternal gift of salvation but also for His ever-guiding hand.  Many times I have thought, “How do people make it through life without Christ?” I am so glad I don’t have to walk through life without Him! I am thankful that through His salvation God gives us peace to face anything He allows our way. Many of us can look at just this year alone and say “Wow, what a mess!” Now I have made several messes in my life and I am so glad for the grace that He showed to help me through them. But as with many of you, God has also allowed some trials and storms to come our way. 

As I read the words “knowing that tribulation worketh patience: and patience, experience: and experience, hope:” my mind went back to a specific storm.  My husband and I have struggled with infertility for many years. Several steps were made with doctors with no success but then in 2017 God led our way to adoption. After a few months of paperwork and preparation, we were told of a birth mother in another state who wanted to make an adoption plan for her son. The next several months consisted of more paperwork, contact with our adoption lawyer and birth mother. I was even able to attend one of her appointments. The excitement was all around us! Our family, friends and church family had graciously given thousands of dollars and spent many hours in prayer for our adoption. November came and with every phone call the anticipation rose. Due to some health concerns, the doctors scheduled his delivery for the day after Thanksgiving. Thanksgiving week we packed our car with every baby item we would need for the few weeks stay until paperwork was completed and would allow us to bring our baby back home across state lines.  We were blessed to spend Thanksgiving Day with our family only an hour away from the birth mother’s home. That afternoon we received a call that we would not be allowed at the birth of ‘our’ sweet baby boy that next morning or move forward with our adoption plans. 

As I sat crying in our family member’s driveway, my heart was in pieces. It was at this time that I had to “face the music” as it were. Did I really believe in the God I was serving? Did I really believe what I have been saying and singing about all these years? Was God really good? Can I trust Him no matter what? Do I still love Him even though he said no? Will I still serve Him? Of course, we can say yes to all of this but going through that trial moment do we really believe it?

This storm was truly a life changing one for me. It was no longer about my family’s faith but my faith. Looking back on those times I am thankful for His grace; that He didn’t give up on me. He showed me that I can be broken but I can’t give up. At that time of trial and the others that would come our way, I learned each day to trust Him a little more. “Trust in him at all times; ye people, pour out your heart before him; God is a refuge for us.” (Psalm 62:8) 

I spent many days pouring out my heart to the Lord. We took the leap of faith to enter this adoption plan and I was hoping the understanding would come as to why he said no. Now I can look back at that storm and see how the Lord grew me. How He used this hard time to show me it was Him that I really needed, not that baby boy. He could be my joy, my comfort, and my strength. It changed my view to asking God what He is wanting to do through me instead of why He is doing this to me. 

We all go through storms and trials in life but from these experiences, we can gain so much: patience as the verse states, our faith can grow, wisdom for ourselves and others and hope that He will carry us through anything.  Allow these times to grow you so that your testimony can help another through their journey. As we conclude the last few months of what has been a crazy, unpredictable year, let us remember our hope is in the Lord (Ps. 146:5). We can be thankful for how He has helped us through each trial, each situation and continue to grow for His honor and glory.