Infertility - Mylee Restelle
November 26th
Today started out differently than any other Thanksgiving day, my husband or I, have ever had. We were both exposed to COVID 2 days ago and did not want to chance us being sick and taking it home to the rest of my family. So Thanksgiving 2020 was just the two of us. It was going to be perfect! We were bummed we couldn't be with family, but also ecstatic that we were going to be able to make our own feast and just spend the holiday together.
20 minutes into our prepping we got word of a teen pregnancy. At first, we shrugged it off, but then I quickly became infuriated and spouted off my frustration to my husband; however, it was very much directed toward the Lord. My husband, having never heard me talk to the Lord that way, was stunned. I ran to the bathroom and just sobbed. After composing myself, or so I thought, I came back to the kitchen and saw the pain in my husband's eyes. The pain he didn't vocalize because he knew how bad the term "teen pregnancy" would sting. He just wanted to be able to be there for me.
He wrapped me in his arms and we collapsed onto the kitchen floor. I bawled my eyes out for what felt like forever. He lifted my face up toward his and said, "we are going to be okay". I gave him a faint smile and told him I knew we were. He hugged me, kissed my forehead, and then we got up and continued prepping our dinner.
Now, I know there are unforeseen, horrible, and despicable things that can happen to a precious teenage girl that are beyond her control, resulting in a teen pregnancy that is in NO WAY what I am referring to. My heart breaks for girls in situations like that. However, in my story, this was a "let's try it once to see what happens" kind of thing. I'm going to be completely honest with you: these ones always sting a little more than the others. To know that soon their arms will have a wonderful bundle of joy to love, while my arms remain empty, is gut-wrenching.
Friend, I wish I had the words to take away that empty space you have in your heart, but I don't.
What I will say though is I am extremely grateful His mercies are new every morning. Lamentations 3:22-23 says, "It is of the LORD'S mercies that we are not consumed, because his compassions fail not. They are new every morning: great is thy faithfulness." So, on the days when I get angry at Him and tell Him that I don't understand, that's okay. He can handle my anger, my frustration, my screaming, my crying -- all of it. And you know what, after all that is said and done, He is still there!
I don't know where you are at on your infertility journey. I don't know if today is a good day or bad day, emotionally. I don't know if you've been battling infertility for days, weeks, months, or years; however, I hope and pray that as you read over and meditate on Lamentations 3:22-23 you will find comfort in knowing His mercies are new every morning.