Wrestling with God - Marcia Ludwick
Genesis 32:24-30 tells of the time when God wrestled with Jacob. You remember the story of how he cheated his brother Esau out of the birthright and blessing. Esau had made a remark that once his father was gone, he would slay his brother Jacob for how he had deceived him. This comment was told to their mother Rebekah, and she immediately sent him away.
Fast forward 21 years. Jacob is on his way back to his homeland. In just a few hours, he will be facing his brother whom he had deceived. The Bible tells us that Jacob prepared for this meeting on the morrow, and he set all of his family, servants, and possessions apart from himself.
Genesis 32:24 say, “And Jacob was left alone…” If you are going to allow God to deal with you, you must be alone. You must be still and know that God is God. The Bible goes on to say “…there wrestled a man with him until the breaking of the day.” On the night before this monumental day in Jacob’s life, there was a wrestling match between him and God.
Have you ever wrestled with God? I have. The first time I wrestled with God was on a Wednesday night, May 22, 1985. One year and 15 days before, my husband gloriously got saved. As soon as he prayed the sinners’ prayer, he turned to me and said, “Now it’s your turn.” What love, what compassion were in those words! As a new believer, my husband was concerned about my salvation. Oh how we need to be concerned about other lost souls.
You must be wondering what my response was. I said, “I did that several years ago when I was a teenager.” And so I thought that I had. Like Jacob, fast forward one year and 15 days, I was questioning, I was doubting.
On the previous Sunday, our pastor, Gary Griffin, (the same man that visited our house and won my husband to the Lord) preached a sermon about a little girl dying, going to Heaven, and searching for her mother. She couldn’t find her. In my mind that little girl was my Adri, and I wasn’t found in Heaven by her.
That was a Sunday. Did I go forward and get saved that morning? No, I wrestled with God. Did I go forward and get saved that evening? No, I wrestled with God. Wednesday night service came, and I took the children to church as normal. My husband was working that evening. I cannot tell you what was preached that night, but I can tell you as soon as church was over, I loaded the children into the car and sped home. I put the children to bed quickly, called my husband at work, and sobbing uncontrollably I managed to get the words out that I had been thinking internally all week…”I don’t think I’m saved!” With great wisdom my husband said, “I can’t tell you if you are, or aren’t. Why don’t you call Mrs. Griffin (our pastor’s wife)? I will be praying for you.”
I called Mrs. Griffin, and with the same wisdom, she gave me the same answer. Here I was all alone, and a wrestling match was about to begin. (Actually, I had been wrestling with God all week, but this night the wrestling escalated, and the winner would be seen by morning.)
That night I read my Bible; I quoted scriptures to God; I reminded Him of how I served Him in various ways; I read the book by Dr. Jack Hyles, “Salvation is More Than Being Saved”, thinking that it would help me find some answers. At 4:00 a.m. I fell asleep. At 6 a.m. I awakened with the same weight, the same fear in my heart that I had fallen asleep with. I walked out to our living room, knelt at the brown chair that I used for my altar, and I said, “Lord, I cannot wrestle with You any longer. I surrender. I trust you as my Saviour. Thank you for not leaving me unsaved, but working with me to bring me to Yourself. Amen”
When I arose there was great victory; there was great peace. The sun was brighter that Thursday, the sky was bluer. I went soul winning that day, and now I had my own testimony of salvation to share. The Bible came alive to me! I will forever be grateful for God wrestling with me that night to bring me to Himself.
That was my first wrestling with God. The second came by conviction from preaching and reading the Word of God. God was dealing with my heart about dress standards. I can’t give a specific date when I surrendered how I wanted to dress to the way God wanted me to dress. It wasn’t a one night wrestling match with God, but more like several weeks.
I always wore dresses to church. My grandmother and mother had taught me that. After I had been saved for a while, when I would go shopping in town I would put on a dress for fear of seeing one of the church members in a store. We shouldn’t do things to please man, of course, but I believe that God used Christians in my life to bring conviction to me. One spring day my husband and I had cleaned up around the house, and we were going to what we dearly called “the dump." (You may know it as a landfill or some prettier word, but we still call it “the dump.”) ☺ My husband got the wonderful idea of stopping by the church to see if the pastor needed anything carried away. Did I wear a dress to go to “the dump”? No! I had on shorts. When we pulled into the parking lot, our pastor walked right up to my window. (The Lord has such a sense of humor. It wasn’t humorous to me!) If I was so uncomfortable having church members or my pastor see me in immodest apparel, how would I feel if Jesus caught me showing my thigh? It was this wrestling that brought me to the decision to dress modestly for the King of Kings and Lord of Lords. God won the wrestling match again.
My third wrestling with God came in 1987. My husband had gone with our pastor to Pastors School in Hammond, Indiana. He came home and seemed a little different, but didn’t share any spiritual decisions that he had made with me. You see, He was wrestling too. He was wrestling with God about surrendering to full time service. One night he called me from work and said, “I have something to tell you when I get home in the morning.” When he came home the next morning, I was awaiting our talk, but he went straight to bed. That evening before he left for work we were eating our dinner. Conversation was sparse. Something was up! I walked him to the back door as I always did when he left for work, and standing at the bottom of our stairs, my husband looked up at me and said, “We need to put the house up for sale. God has called me to be a preacher. We are going to Hyles Anderson.” And he drove away.
Once again God and I were wrestling. I had lived in the same small town for 28 years. My family was here. My husband’s family was here. He had a great job making good money and flying to Nevada to do training. He was on the way up. He didn’t even have a job if we moved. We grew up in the country; he wanted to take me to the city. God and I argued back and forth.
I really don’t know when God won this third wrestling match. I do remember being alone with God just like Jacob, and I pulled out the information packet from Hyles Anderson College. I read through the manual, and sometime between the beginning and the end of that booklet, I surrendered to the Lord. When my husband came home the next morning, I said, “Honey, did you know that I can take a free class each semester if you go full time?” The rest is history…we left our beautiful mountains of West Virginia to go to the flatland of Indiana, went through college in four years, and came back to West Virginia to start a church. We have been here for almost 29 years.
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What am I trying to say?
1. WRESTLING WITH GOD IS GOOD
Jacob the deceiver was transformed into Israel the prince. (Genesis 32:28)
Marcia was transformed from a sinner to a saint.
2. WRESTLING WITH GOD MAKES YOUR DECISIONS SOLID AND MEMORABLE (Genesis 32:25, 31)
Jacob’s thigh was out of joint as a reminder of his wrestling match with God.
Marcia’s salvation is sure and Marcia’s convictions are sure because of a wrestling match with God.
If I would have surrendered to salvation or standards or full time ministry for my husband, my pastor or
pastor’s wife, or for any other person or reason, I could still be doubting. When God wrestles with you, it is
settled in your mind and heart.
Have you ever had a wrestling match with God? Perhaps He is speaking to your heart about a “pretend” salvation. Maybe God wants you to surrender something to Him that He has been dealing with you for a long time. Surrender…”All to Jesus I surrender, all to Him I freely give:”