Trusting Through Infertility - Tracy Lankford
Psalm 147: 3-5 “He healeth the broken in heart, and bindeth up their wounds. He telleth the number of the stars; he calleth them all by their names. Great is our Lord, and of great power: his understanding is infinite.”
“Approximately 1 in 8 couples are affected by infertility in the United States. That’s about 6.7 million people each year who have tr
ouble conceiving.” This shocking statement is from fertilityanswers.com and is echoed over and over again in any google search.
Have you heard the statement “God meant it all for good” ? I find that sometimes, these statements that are meant to bring comfort can bring a feeling of disappointment because what we face as ladies just does not feel like it belongs in the category of “good.” Many times we find ourselves lining up in the category of pain, hurt, brokenness, unfulfilled dreams, or perhaps even anger. God in His wisdom and mercy has given us several examples to learn from, some of which we will look at in the book of Genesis today.
Genesis 11:30 “But Sarai was barren; she had no child.” In those days, many times infertility caused the woman to be looked down upon. Infertility has a way of making you feel defective or broken. Sometimes, you even fall into the cycle of blaming yourself for not being good enough for God to bless with children. Sarai let her emotions get the best of her. How could her husband be a “great nation” (Gen. 12:2) if she could have NO child? In desperation, she offers her handmaid. After all, God had not said at this point that specifically her body would be the one to bear to Abram. Genesis 16:4a “And he went in unto Hagar, and she conceived:…” It was at this moment Sarai’s worst fears had been confirmed- the problem was with her. Sarah continued to live her label of “barren” for many years. Abraham could not believe Sarah would ever give him children. In fact, it seems like he would rather Ishmael be his seed that God would bless into many nations (Gen. 17:17-18). Sarah was what the Bible calls “well stricken” in age when she found herself LAUGHING at the promise of God to bear a son. Had Sarah just accepted that this was her life? Had Sarah decided she was defective? Had Sarah given up hope that God’s promise was not for her to be blessed? Genesis 21:1a “And the LORD visited Sarah as he had said,…” Despite whatever Sarah felt, God remained faithful to his promise. Isaac, the son of promise, was born!
* God is faithful even in infertility *
Genesis 25: 21a “And Isaac intreated the LORD for his wife, because she was barren:…” Here we see that Rebekah’s husband prayed for her. Infertility can feel lonely at times. Your body suffers, your emotions suffer, and your relationships can suffer. This is not a season of life to separate yourself from your spouse, but to join together in prayer. You need your spouse! Do not let Satan get the victory in his war against the home because you separate emotionally from your husband.
* God can use infertility to strengthen your marriage *
Genesis 29:31 “And when the LORD saw that Leah was hated, he opened her womb: but Rachel was barren.” Genesis 30:1 “And when Rachel saw that she bare Jacob no children, Rachel envied her sister; and said unto Jacob, Give me children, or else I die.” To some this may seem extreme, but to those who have experienced their fair share of “the two week wait” followed by disappointment after disappointment… you might be able to relate to Rachel. Infertility often leads the Christian lady into feelings of discouragement or depression. I want to be gentle here, while also speaking the truth in love- do not miss the middle part of that verse, “Rachel envied her sister;”. Envy and jealousy can rip the joy out of the Christian life at a moment’s notice. Do not get caught up in the “happiness lie” that if you just had children you would be ok. We will never be happy seeking to fill a void in our life with anything other than the Lord! There are women with many children who still experience emptiness in their spiritual lives. Children are not a solution to the problems of life. Genesis 30:22 “And God remembered Rachel, and God hearkened to her, and opened her womb.” Rachel was definitely not the picture of positivity throughout her journey, but that did not stop God from working. God promised Abraham that he would multiply his seed as the stars (Gen. 22:17) Rachel’s struggle, although hard, was not too hard for God!
* God’s promises do not have an expiration date *
It is true that God is the God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob” but let us not forget that God is also the God of Sarah, Rebekah, and Rachel. Each of these homes in Genesis were touched by infertility. In each situation, the lady experienced the trial differently— Sarah laughed, Rebekah prayed, Rachel was emotional. Do you find yourself in the mix somewhere between these ladies? Let me encourage you that what God is doing in your life is not His attempt to punish you, hurt you, or make an example out of you.
Personal lessons learned from infertility:
Helping someone else through this pain will help heal your heart as well. In September of 2020, we lost a child early on in pregnancy right as our church was battling several covid cases. I felt like I had to keep this pain to myself. It took me months to really talk about it with anyone. Somewhere between my pride not wanting to be pitied and my heart trying to sort out the pain, I just kept silent. Do not miss an opportunity to help another sister in Christ along the way- I truly believe it is in these moments we can use our trial to give glory to God. One very personal way I try to do this weekly is by keeping a prayer list in my Bible of the ladies I know fighting this same battle of infertility. Each time I pray for them, it helps me continue on a little easier. II Corinthians 1:4 “Who comforteth us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort them which are in any trouble, by the comfort wherewith we ourselves are comforted of God.”
There are just some times in life that knowing “why” will never come. God sees the entire picture and sends things into our lives to give us an opportunity to draw closer to Him. God does not do things TO us but FOR us. Your heart’s desire may long for a child. The pain of unfulfilled desires can be just the tool God uses to get you to the point where you will say, “God, I want you MORE than I want _________.” Psalm 73:25 “Whom have I in heaven but thee? and there is none upon earth that I desire beside thee.”
Accept what God has allowed to come into your life. Amy Carmichael, Christian missionary to India for over 50 years is noted for these powerful words- “For in acceptance lieth peace.”
Barrenness, miscarriage, secondary infertility, whatever label your burden has been given; let me encourage you to accept it. God’s plan for our lives may not match what we had hoped for, but it is always for our good and for His glory. Isaiah 55:9 “For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts.”
It is my prayer that as you read today you will be encouraged to step out of your hurt to be able to reach others God has placed in your life, you will be challenged to step back from your difficulty and find a way to praise God anyhow, and you will purpose to accept what God has planned and use it to glorify God with your life.