My Strong Tower - Carrie Furman

I know this devotion may not be anything new to anyone, but I find the topic encouraging and refreshing.  Being saved, we all have at least one testimony!  Webster defines the word "testimony" as a formal written or spoken statement, or firsthand authentication of a fact.  It is used as evidence, an outward sign or an open acknowledgment. If you were to give a testimony in court you are testifying to facts that you have seen or heard.  It’s a powerful tool that the court uses to render someone guilty or innocent of a crime. Without testimony, it would be hard to have solid evidence if something took place or not. On the flip side, a jury's whole mind could be made up with the testimony of just one person. Have you given testimony in court?  Probably not alot of us have. We know how testimonies work.  We know the importance of them.  When we give our testimony we have a powerful tool, we have evidence, we have an outward sign and an open acknowledgement of what God has done for us.  

Before I get started I want to read one verse with you.  It’s Proverbs 18:10. “The name of the Lord is a strong tower: the righteous runneth into it, and is safe.”

So, as far back as about 4 yrs old, I remember my mom waking me up on Sunday mornings and putting me on a bus to go to church.  She never went with me, but honestly the only adults that I ever saw were my teachers, so I never thought anything about it.  But I remember, no matter what, every Sunday, without fail, I’d get up and go to Sunday school.  I remember learning all the Old Testament stories.  I remember learning about Jesus being God’s Son, and also being God.  I learned great songs and met great friends.  There was church camp, vacation Bible school, and plenty of other activities that we could be involved in.  I loved going to church.  One year, when I was about 9, I had gone to camp and learned how I needed to be saved, I knew I wanted to be, but I just didn't take that step.  I remember being so sad that it was time to leave that I just decided not to do it.  About a month later, we had VBS.  I remember our big rally time was in the big auditorium. That was really exciting because at Akron Baptist Temple, kids were not allowed in there, so it was a big deal. The time came, at the end of the day of VBS that Pastor Billington was giving an invitation.  I knew, at that time, I was ready to be saved.  I raised my hand, and my camp counselor tapped me on the shoulder.  She explained the gospel to me again and asked me if I was ready.  YES!! Of course, I was.  I knew I needed to be saved.  I knew I wanted God to be my Heavenly Father, I knew I wanted Jesus to live in my heart.  

It wasn't long after, that we moved and we lost contact with the church.  I went through my middle school years not going to church, but I knew what God had done for me.  I knew he was in my heart, and the best that I knew how, I tried to do exactly what I knew would be the right things.  Remember, I said my mom never went with me, and so she never really taught me how to live for God.  High school came, and now, bigger decisions.  I honestly believe it was Christ in me that helped me get through high school.  And though I had never forgotten my salvation, I didn't realize the work He was doing in my life.  I had become friends with a small group of Apostolic girls, and even went to church with them.  I just couldn't understand why they thought the way they did.  I had plenty of conversations with them about why I didn't think speaking in tongues was what the Bible told us to do.  I couldn't understand why they didn't think God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit were the same.  I couldn't understand why there were things I could or could not do to have a role in their church.  Eventually, I stopped going.  I still didn't have a solid reason why I should keep going. I just didn't agree with them.  

I graduated high school and I was free.  I will admit, at this point, I kind of just gave up on church, and stopped trying to do what I knew I should.  I mean, I didn't go nuts or anything, but I did what I wanted to.  The whole time, deep inside, I knew I was missing something. I was now in my mid 20’s.  I was getting tired of just being me and doing the same old same old. My cousin had been going to a baptist church nearby and so I decided to start going with her.  I knew it was what I needed.  I remember telling a good friend of mine that I knew unless I gave my heart back to God, nothing good would ever come.  Less than a month later, September 11, 2001, America was attacked.  I remember being at work and hearing the news come in.  Later, on my way home, I told God I was done playing around.  I wanted to give my life back to him.  It was a month later, October 14th, that I met the man who would eventually be my husband. (it took over a yr, but it happened)! Life was good. I felt like I was doing the things God wanted from me.  In that year prior to us really talking, I kept going to church and reading my Bible.  I kept growing in God.  One day, while reading my Bible, I came across Proverbs 18:10.  I loved it. It immediately became my FAVORITE verse ever!!! I loved the sense of security I got when picturing this huge tower that I could hide in from the world.  If you think about the safety of a tower, how could you not want to be in God's arms like that?

Lets flash forward to November 2014.  We had been married for 11 yrs.  If you know us, you know that we have had a lot of things happen in our lives that have kept us on our knees praying.  Nothing between us, but around us.  I feel like Satan always has his fiery darts aimed at us, just trying to tear us down.  Us, though, and our little family, were fine. We we’re having a great time.  My husband was a pastor at the time, so our lives were dedicated to the ministry.  We loved being able to minister to others and help them in times of need. Our hearts were towards ministry 1000%. 

So, here it is the beginning of November and we were getting ready for a Ladies’ Retreat.  Wouldn't you know it, I woke up the Tuesday morning before with a horrible sinus infection! Nothing new, I always have sinus issues. I went to the urgent care, got my medicines and went about my business waiting for it to kick in.  Days went by, then weeks of not getting any better. It was now December, I couldn't tell you how many ER trips I had made, only to be told it was a sinus infection.  Finally, I couldn't take it.  My kids had an ear, nose and throat appointment, so I called to see if I could get squeezed in.  By this time, my mouth was numb, I couldn't sleep or breathe through my nose.  I remember him telling me how genuine sinus infections sometimes do this.  Well, a few days later...a new symptom.  My eye started swelling.  So then new hospital trips were happening, which became hospital stays. It was December 23rd that my ENT, Dr. Masin, said he needed to get in my sinus cavity and break up whatever it was and biopsy it.  I will never forget the phone call on December 28th.  Dr. Masin called to tell me that I had cancer, and HE had made me an appointment for 3:15 that day.  So, my husband and I headed to the Cleveland Clinic Oncology department, and I was told I had NK/T-cell Lymphoma.  I was also told that it was very rare and very aggressive.  So what did my husband do as soon as she stepped out of the office, he googled it.  (FYI..NEVER EVER google something that you're not prepared to confront). She came back in the room and she explained to us how I was roughly the 20th person in the past 15 yrs to have had this type of cancer.  She told us it was mainly found in Asia and in MEN!! So, yeah, we were in shock. To top it off, she confessed that she had NO CLUE how to treat this type of cancer and there are less than a handful of doctors that specialize in NK/T-cell Lymphoma.  She sent us up to the main campus, where we did have one of I think 3 doctors on the east coast that understood this cancer.  We knew this was going to be tricky.  Life immediately became a whirlwind. I had scans and tests done I’ve never heard of.  

 I remember feeling like it wasn't real.  I remember the thought of having 4 young children under the age of 11 and how we'd break this horrible news to them.  It wasn’t fair.  It wasn't fair that I was probably going to die and some other person would get to raise my kids.  I couldn't handle it.  I think I cried 90% of the time.  I tried to cling to my life verse, but all I could imagine was a cold, dark, wet tower that made me feel alone and scared.  I didn't want to be there.  I wanted to be outside, probably in the moat around the tower splashing in the water.. I didn't care where I went, I just knew I didn't want to be there!!  Oh, and then the hair loss oh, the fun!  Let’s just say having your head shaved by your husband is NOT fun.  It really is terrible what chemo does to your body.  This is really bad, but I THOUGHT well maybe I’ll lose a little weight.  Nope, part of my chemo treatment was 10 tiny steroid pills a day during chemo week.  I think I gained 10 pounds every time!!  So here I was, in my mind, bald, fat, and probably dying! I really thought I wouldn't get better.  But you know, somewhere amidst the 4 rounds of chemo, I was learning God's protection.  I was seeing how this cancer was just a storm I had to go through.  My thoughts started to become NOT about me and MY situation, but what my situation could do for others...if just one person could be blessed or even saved by this whole thing, then cancer would be worth it.  I started seeing that I was going to be okay. I just needed to relax.  I slowly began to enjoy my “tower.”  Instead of being crouched down and scared, I became brave.  I remember feeling like I was standing at the door of my tower, like a superhero,  just daring fear to try to get in.  I started to realize my illness wasn't about me at all.  It was about proving to myself and to others who God really was.  I later learned that people from all over the world were praying for me and following my story.  For some time after, it seemed like no matter what church I went to, people knew me and my story—my testimony of God's protection and safety.  So many were excited to learn about the “miracle” that God had done.  Each one of us are here as evidence to God’s promises.  Without each one of us and our testimonies, I believe that some “jurors” would have a hard time coming to the conclusion that God is exactly who and what the Bible says He is. 

I am aware that this could've gone a completely different way, but that's not the testimony God wanted.  I understand God sometimes chooses to take people home, and there are lessons in that, as well. My testimony to you today is to stay in that tower.  No matter what is going on outside of that tower, you are safer inside.  Sometimes, your tower might seem like a dark, lonely dungeon with storms and waves surrounding it, trying to tear your tower down.  Sometimes it might seem like it’s all sunshine and fun, and totally pointless to stay in it, but stay anyways! My life is an evidence of truth that we are all safer INSIDE the Lord’s protection then we are if we decided to wander out on our own.