I Thought We Were Friends - Amy Sapp
“I thought we were friends.” / “I thought you loved me.”
The hurt behind those words can overshadow years of life, love, and memories. All the good times fade away when a friendship is betrayed.
Investment, down the drain. Trust destroyed. Love questioned.
Have you been there? / Are you currently there?
Friends hurt friends. Because every friend is a sinner, and sinners are going to sin. Against each other and hurt each other. On purpose or not, it is harder to recover from the pain caused by a friend.
Do you have a friend that you were super close to that is no longer your friend?
The pain of conviction that comes through the godly rebuke of a friend who speaks truth in LOVE is a true gift. (Prov 27:6)
BUT what if you are the one sinned against, and you are hurt because of harsh words? Betrayal? Or manipulation by a person that you considered a friend? How do you handle it, and how do you move past the pain and toward reconciliation?
Overlook an Offense
In the midst of hurting, trust that God is working in your relationship to grow you both in GRACE. (Psalm 62:8)
It is one’s beauty to overlook and offense (Prov 19:11) This requires patience, maturity, and wisdom. Overlooking an offense shows the gospel and is a loving response that shows we are Christ-Like (John 13:35)
Have you seen the movie “Frozen”? Elsa gives up her good girl personality to let out her cold craziness on the town and all the people. Her actions negatively affected everyone and everything around her. IN OUR FLESH... We are tempted to unleash our pent-up, frozen fury on our friend rather than trust the LORD.
Wisdom does not “let it go” like Elsa did. Instead, it dies to self, showing constraint and turning our hurt over to Jesus, who can identify with our pain, and HE will meet with us in our time of need.
Overlooking a wrongdoing is NOT a license to use silence as a weapon (you know someone or maybe you have done this yourself? When you are in the same room and you look away or avoid the person totally), or to have bad feelings that will come back to haunt the relationship later. Instead, it is having a clear conscience that this hurt is not at a level that it needs to be addressed (at least maybe not right now) but a more so to “forgive and forget.” It is much better to win your friend than to WIN an argument. (Read that again). It is better to win your friend than to WIN an argument.
2. When An Offense Can’t Be Overlooked
Sometimes you just cannot overlook the offense. IF your first thought is “they need to be told,” this is your flesh talking and NOT the Holy Spirit. Our goal must be reconciliation from love.
However, we will find times and occasions when we need to address a hurt. We can attempt to right the wrong, but remember vengeance is the Lord’s and HE will repay (Romans 12:19). So, this is not a call to lash out and fight back. This may be a call for biblical rebuke.
(Luke 17: 3 & 4)
To rebuke is to reason frankly with friend, tell them their wrongdoing, with a spirit of GENTLENESS in hopes that they may ask for forgiveness. How we respond will be how they also respond. If you rebuke harshly, I guarantee you that they will respond the same way. If you approach the situation gently, they will more than likely in turn respond the same.
We may be hurt again, and we must be ready to forgive every time. If we forget Christ, forgiveness will seem impossible. BUT He has forgiven us of ALL by canceling the debt that stood against us. Even when we are in open rebellion, He STILL died for us. He STILL loves us! With a perfect LOVE!
3. Here are some ways to pray
If you have been hurt by a friend, pour out your heart to the Lord in prayer for wisdom, for forgiveness, for reconciliation...
Pray for God to search your wounded heart. (Psalm 139:23) Were you hurt because your own sin was exposed? Were you overly sensitive to something that was said? Were you tired? Was what hurt you a first-time offense or a pattern from your friend? If it was a first time offense, are you willing to throw the relationship of many years away?
Pray for grace to think about what is true, honest, just, pure, lovely in yourself and in your friend. (Phil 4:8)
If you must address the offense, pray that you would be honest and gracious with your friend about the way you were hurt, and that you friend would respond in the same manner.
Pray that you would love your friend at ALL times, even the hard times, and that you would be able to live in harmony with each other. (Romans 12:16)
4. God’s Grace Shines in Ours
It is so worth it to overlook an offense if you possibly can, and trust God is working in you and your friends' heart, pray for wisdom, love and reconciliation, rebuke gently, and to be ready to forgive.
So what do you do IF your friend won’t forgive you?
Focus on HIS forgiveness
Forgive the one that will not forgive
Daily pray for the blessings on that one
Rejoice for those that HAVE forgiven
Make sure there is NO ONE that YOU have not forgiven
Recognize the hurt but DO NOT get bitter
Do NOT back away from church or others, do not isolate yourself, it will only make it worse
Read the Psalms, David often wrote about those who would not forgive him
Believe one day that they will forgive, even if it isn’t until Heaven
Do not tell others about the one who will not forgive you
Remember Christ died for his friends... If Jesus can make such a loving sacrifice for his friends – friends that would doubt and deny Him – surely, we can work to restore our broken friendships. Godly friendships are an AMAZING testimony to the world. In them, we put our love for Christ and for one another on display!