The Love of My Saviour - Jessica Smallwood

The ocean is one of my most favorite places on earth. The overwhelming enormity of both its sight and sound is always a reflection of the thoughts of my heart, both good and bad. I am always overwhelmed with something. And while on this journey of sanctification, I see-saw between the overwhelming “somethings’ of God’s goodness and my own sinful tendencies.

My heart is so prone to boast in itself. I begin to measure myself by self, stacking good works on good works, always looking to outweigh the bad and earn the blessing. I find myself admiring these good works or scrambling to do more. My mind knows that this is anti-Gospel. I was not saved by good works nor am I kept by them. But somehow this subtle lie of striving to be “good enough” weasels its way into my heart more often than I care to admit. “Am I good enough to serve?” And even, “Am I good enough to deserve…?” The enormity of the sight and sound of this lie threatens to steal my joy. And then God…

Last year, I had the opportunity to lead my first client at the pregnancy center where I volunteer to Christ. In sharing the gospel with this expecting mother, not only did she receive God’s gift of eternal life but I too received a gift of grace - joy restored. That morning I had overslept, skipped my time of prayer and Bible study and had fussed at my family as I rushed to get ready. I arrived at the center feeling ashamed, ill-equipped and unworthy. I went through the motions, welcomed my client, and listened to her story. And as I began to share His story, unfolded in mine, sharing verse after verse of the gospel that I had long ago received, I was reminded that I am but a tool in the Creator’s hand. The power in me is not of me but despite me. I claim confidence, ability and worth not because of who I am but because of Whose I am.

As my client bowed her head to call on Christ as her Saviour that day, my own heart bowed before the enormity of the grace and love of my Saviour - my heart was and still is overwhelmed by true joy. My ears are filled with the sound of His blessing.

Psalm 93:4 “ The Lord on high is mightier than the noise of many waters, yea, than the mighty waves of the sea.”