When my marriage of 21 years ended with my man of God walking away from me…

I desperately needed a flesh and blood friend; a person with skin on. I knew I had my wonderful Heavenly father, and I decided to never leave Him nor forsake Him nor blame Him no matter how bad my life seemed to me. But God also gives us a need for humans. During the whole ugly, crushing, debilitating process; I needed a friend. I was so very confused, devastated, and broken: I needed a friend!

My definitions:

A friend … rejoices with you in the happiest of times

... sits with you in the darkest of times

… listens without judgement

… pushes/pulls/prompts you closer to God

… isn’t afraid to dig into the ugly situations in your life.

… laughs, encourages, and rejoices with you

… speaks God’s word to you

… checks on you often

… prays for you regularly

… loves without restraint

… gives/shares liberally with you

… gets inconvenienced by your problems, but never makes you feel it

God’s defintions:

Acts 27:3 “…and Juilius courteously entreated paul, and gave him liberty to go unto his friends to refresh himself.”

John 15:5b “…But I have called you friends; for all things that I have heard of my Father I have made known unto you.”

John15:13 “Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends.”

Luke 11:8 “…though he will not rise and give him, because he is his friend, yet because of his importunity he will rise and give him as many as he needeth.”

Proverbs 27:17 “Iron sharpeneth iron; so a man sharpeneth the countenance of his friend.”

Proverbs 27:9 “Ointment and perfume rejoice the heart; so doth the sweetness of a man’s friend by hearty counsel.

Proverbs 18:24a “A man that hath friends must shew himself friendly…”

Proverbs 17:17a “A friend loveth at all times…”

But God, who knows all, had already provided a sweet friend, Hannah Butler, for such a terrible time as this. She was not afraid to get in the trenches with me on a daily basis and fight with me, for me, and yes, sometimes against me; that is my flesh. When others stayed at a distance because they “didn’t have answers” or said “I should be able to save my marriage by being more submissive” or chose not to get into the ugliness that sin causes; she chose me!  Though miles away and with little babies, she still chose to be my friend in the devastating, ugly, and emotional days. Crying, praying, guiding, loving, and listening; she walked my terrifying journey with me. She reminded me of Jesus’s great love for me and His purpose for my life. She walked through my “hell on earth” with me and didn’t complain about it. Oh, she even got burned right along with me when things got the ugliest. But she never gave up on me, never said that the cost was too high, never turned away from the pain we experienced together. She embraced my whole life and the brokenness of it, and carried me to Jesus over and over again. Hannah lived Jesus’ love for others in a touchable, understandable, unmistakable way. 

Years before my life became so troubled, God brought Hannah into my life as a result of months of praying for a friend. Little did I know, when I helped her through the passing of her dearest friend (her precious mother), that God was providing me with a bestie that would literally save my life. I reached a point so low that I did not want to live anymore. Hannah saved my life and showed me that God was still with me and still had a purpose for my life. Our roles reversed as I was the friend that needed love and help. It is a give and take relationship. When one is weak, the other carries them through and vise versa. I thank God for my best friend. 

Give someone life today! Be a true, Godly friend. Follow God’s plan for friendship. The Bible has so much to say about friends. You may never understand the burden you lift, the confidence you give, the life you save, the love you strengthen, the help you share; with the kindness and love you give to another soul. Reach out, take a risk, dig deep, love long, encourage, lift up, help others. The Bible repeatedly talks about loving the brethren. 

Get help if you are the broken one! Be vulnerable and feel people out. Not everyone in your life is capable or willing to give you this kind of friendship. Beg God for wisdom in reaching out. Pour your hurt out to Him first and them be brave and ask someone to be this kind of friend.  A friend that will love you through everything and carry you to Jesus when you can’t get to Him on your own. 

Though I am typing through tears; I am a joyful, rejoicing Christian today. I am so very blessed. I get to serve God in my church and (so far) my children have continued to pursue God and His will for their lives. I have a wonderful job that meets my financial needs and I feel God in my everyday life. No, I am not completely healed, my wounds still sting; but the joy of walking with my God (the very best friend of all) outshines the ugly days in my life. I have more beautiful days than hurtful days. And God has given me a friend that chooses to walk this path with me daily. My smile is bigger and God has given me more compassion for hurting people in the church than I’ve ever had before this twist in my journey. 

Ask God for a friend or be a friend today! You will never regret loving like Jesus’ loves.