Engulfed - Jodi Sherlin

I have wrestled with the Lord quite a bit on what to write this devotional about, and then at the beginning of this month, I had a very real emotional struggle that just crept up out of what seemed like nowhere, until I stopped, took a breath and looked at the date. Only then did I realize why I was struggling so much with this matter!  Now, I’m going to pull back the curtains and let you take a peek into our family’s story from this last year, and a wee bit beyond, but not for pity's sake, but so I can share with you what the Lord had to give me first, on the subject of LOSS. And, I’d like to share with you about different kinds of losses, and is it ok to grieve all kinds of losses, and how we respond to loss, and how we help others in their state of loss. THIS was my struggle that crept up out of nowhere at the beginning of this month.

July 3rd of this last year, 7 months ago, our family was enjoying some small fireworks outside. Nothing extravagant. Just a few that were sold around town that made some nice colors in the air. The men folk made sure that they did them in what we thought were a safe distance from our home and garage, and all was good. We were having a good time. When it was all done, my husband and sons in law were very diligent about checking to make sure everything was secure and there were no sparks or flames. We all took our time getting in the house and our extended family took their time leaving, nobody was in a hurry, it was a very relaxed evening. After everyone was gone, we were settling in for the night, my husband and I in the living room just about to get our pugs on our laps. Our married kids were all settled in their room. My son, who was at the farthest end of our home, came out into the living room, white as a ghost and said with a look on his face, that I will NEVER forget.. “THE HOUSE IS ON FIRE!” Now, he wasn’t yelling, he was very calm. But he repeated himself again, The house is on fire! And, then there was an “Oh, God!” from my husband, and he wasn’t being disrespectful in any manner of the phrase at all. He ran to the door connecting to the garage and he yelled “call the fire department!”  I grabbed my phone and I was all thumbs! I was praying and trying to call and yelling for my kids to put their shoes on! Haha! Isn’t that like a mom, right? You see, we lived in a mobile home, and I KNEW that NOTHING was going to survive! I had seen mobile homes burn as a little girl living in a mobile home park, and I knew how fast they go, and I knew we didn’t have much time! I managed to call 911 and they wanted me to stay on the phone with them and I did the best I could but I had to get my pups out, one being disabled and on wheels, and then we had 4 bunnies! 2 of which were in their beautiful hutches that were right in front of me and I knew I needed to somehow get them out and I only had 2 hands! My husband was doing his best to get what he could out. My daughter and son each got their bunnies, and my son in law, bless his heart, appeared out of nowhere and flew open the tops of the bunny hutches and with both hands snatched up both of my bunnies and flew out the door!  I snagged my purse, thinking it was important because my wallet was in there.. Unfortunately, I found out the next morning  I had taken it out only moments earlier. But, I was still thankful to have one thing, that my husband had bought for me, in the end. When I pushed my pups out the front door, I was facing something that I never thought I would ever see! The garage was exploding with flames! Shooting them in a horizontal direction! It was as though the gates of Hell had opened up! My husband was telling us to get into our vehicles so we can save them and move them to the road.  So, I tried to get in on the passenger’s side but the truck was so hot it felt like it could fry an egg, and it probably could have, so off I ran to the driver’s side to get into the back seat. I watched my husband try to go back inside to retrieve a few more things and I was crying and screaming and begging for him NOT to go back in, I’m sure he couldn’t see what we were seeing. What we were seeing was that at any moment the whole house was going to be engulfed and anything inside would be lost! And, I KNEW without a doubt, that if he went back in, I would never see him alive again. He says that he couldn’t hear me and my son yelling above the flames! And, true, the flames were soo soo loud, it truly was hard to hear anything, but he turned and stopped and changed his mind and ran back to the truck, and we drove off. He said that the only reason he didn’t go back in, was because at that moment, the lights went off. And, he knew that it finally caught all of the electricity, and that was it! He was done, there was no more time! It was definitely the hand of God! And, the next 2 hrs, we watched our home and everything we held dear, except our family and most of our fur babies, go up in those flames. 

Now, the first hrs, days and even weeks, we lived in basic survival mode.  Numb is a good word for it. Crying a little, sometimes a lot, but mostly numb. We have never been bitter about it. We have always thought of Job from the very first night. You see, we were just renting that home, and we didn’t have renter’s insurance. And we lost everything. When they went to look in the rubble for anything that might have survived, it was very minimal, that really didn’t amount to much of anything. But, this is what I want to stress… I know that this was the very hardest thing that our family has ever been through and yet, it wasn’t the hardest “thing” the Lord had to carry us through! Here’s what I mean: Years ago, I remember Bro. Hyles preaching a sermon on Preparing for the storm. It has stuck with me all of these years. But, I have to say, I haven’t lived it all of these years. You see, 5 years ago, we moved to this beautiful state of Maine, thinking that we were going to help bring revival to this little country church, and help it to grow. The people were so loving and kind and so welcoming…until my husband showed that he was the Pastor of the church. And, gently, did his best, to lead the church. And, that didn’t go over very well. They wanted him to be more aggressive in this matter and yet be more submissive in that matter. And well… you probably know where this is headed. Now, up until this point in the ministry, I hate to admit it, we kinda lived in a bubble! LOL. We had our fair share of heartache. We know people come and go in a church. But, we never thought that people would EVER rise up and actually announce they were praying for us to get called elsewhere! And, that they just didn’t want to follow us anymore, and to have the deacon’s wife yell at my husband on the phone telling him how he didn’t put the potatoes out just right every single week, from the food pantry, no matter how hard he tried to please her. LOL! And, then, the final straw, to come right down to having to vote my husband out of the church and have it not even be a fair vote at that. LOL! I can say all of this now, with a smile on my face, because I have healed from ALL of the pain that it brought me. But, during that time, I cannot explain to you, the depth of pain and loss I felt! We were living in their parsonage, so when they voted us out, we not only lost our income, but we lost our home too, not to mention, the loss of friendship and just security in general. When we moved here, we had no family, no friends, nobody that we knew. We just stepped out on faith. And, the Lord allowed all of this to happen! Where were we to go? What were we supposed to do now, Lord? I wasn’t prepared for the storm! I had lived in a bubble thinking everyone loved us, and nobody could ever possibly hurt us like that! Everyone would treat us like we treated them!  It doesn’t always work that way, does it? And, I was hurt so deeply that I developed incredible anxiety and panic attacks. I was afraid to go anywhere by myself. I didn’t want to see anyone that knew us! I didn’t want to explain anything. We did nothing wrong, yet we were made to be the bad guys. But, I just wasn’t prepared for that storm! The Lord had to bring me to the bottom of the barrel to help me to realize that I wasn’t prepared. So, I got to work! And, healing took long. And, grieving took long. But, it was necessary. And, it did bring me to a place of healing.

And, You see, this right here is an example of one of the things that I want to touch on as a loss. Loss comes in many forms. Loss can mean losing a loved one, and that’s what we think of first when we think of grieving a loss. And, I believe that’s one of the greatest losses there is, truly. But, there are other losses that we are allowed to grieve. 

What about, just like my scenario, with the betrayal and loss of friendship or relationships or even divorce? That’s a loss. When you pour yourself into people, whether it’s in the ministry or even in personal relationships, investing yourself, you leave yourself vulnerable. And, when that trust is broken there is often grief! I remember our very first family that left our church in anger. We loved them dearly. Many of you can probably relate. I was devastated. I grieved them leaving. And though their behavior was awful, I still was grieving that loss. My husband was so worried about me, that he called an evangelist friend, and his wife, to come in to help me. Again, I wasn’t prepared for that storm! 

How about the loss of your health? That’s a big one for a lot of us ladies. Whether it hits us because of getting older or if it’s an illness. There is a loss connected with that. The vitality that we once had or mourn that we wish we could have with our family. 

How about a job situation. It could be ministry, like us, maybe you were voted out of a church, or maybe its that you had to leave your job for one reason or another and now you are feeling that loss. And, it could be the comradery of the co workers or the job security or the financial security connected to it.

What about being in a situation where you find yourself homeless for one reason or another. It was completely out of your hands. Maybe a divorce or maybe a house fire, like us, or maybe you had to leave the church parsonage, or you fill in the blank. That’s a loss too.

What about death of a beloved pet. And, I will say that as much as I love my pets, I never understood the depth of pain until our fire and losing 3 at once. And, now I get it. And, it doesn’t just go away. They aren’t just animals.. they have been part of your family for years, so they had a place and it’s still hard, just like a member of your family. It’s a loss.

And, I know I mentioned Health, but what about we go a little deeper and mention loss of physical ability. It’s frustrating when you physically can’t do the things that you once could do! I was in a car accident a year and a half ago, just days before my daughter’s wedding. And, severely tore my rotator cuff, and last March had surgery. My Surgeon said it was the worst he had ever done, and he was an older doctor and had done A LOT of them! LOL! He teases me about holding the world’s record in his book! I’m still in physical therapy a year later, and it’s still frustrating to me that I don’t have my full strength back yet, all because of a drunk driver who decided to hit us in the back end going over 100 mph! But, Praise the Lord, we were all alive to go to the wedding and keep that ball rolling! LOL! But, there are many who have it far far worse! That’s a loss.

There are soo many things that can be listed as losses, and I can go on and on, and I’m sure if you are reading this, you have probably thought of something as well. But, can I tell you what my struggle was the beginning of this month? It isn’t really on this list. And, the devil made me feel guilty for grieving, and truly mourning that loss! And, because of that I beat myself up. Was I wrong? Was I discontent? Should I not feel this way? My grief was over the loss of my “stuff.” And, by stuff, I mean… I know you have heard it said when someone goes through a fire, you hear, “Oh my goodness, I’m soo sorry that happened to you! I’m so glad everyone is ok, everything else is just stuff and can be replaced.” That’s the stuff, I mean. LOL! But, can it truly be replaced, most of it? Probably not. All of the sentimental things absolutely not. My daughter and I’s wedding rings, nope, her wedding gown, nope, my granny’s and my momma’s Bible, with all of the special handwritten things in there, nope, baby clothes that I kept and pictures forever! You get the idea. But, what about the other stuff… the practical things.. my KitchenAid, that I had for 20 years, I can’t possibly replace that right now, or my Ninja mixer, or our beautiful bunny hutches, or my particular microwave that I have literally bought the same one over and over because it is the best of the best. All of my Pioneer woman collection! Haha! And, my family literally bought me one thing at a time over the years. Silly things to some, I was grieving over big mixing bowls, you all! Haha! Cookie sheets! Crochet hooks and sewing machines and then clothes that I used to complain that I never had anything to wear… well now.. haha! I only wish I had that wardrobe! And, trust me, this isn’t written as a pity, it’s sharing my heart with you ladies. These are the losses I was grieving this month. And, I was feeling so bad about it, because the Lord has been good to us. But, that doesn’t mean that I’m not allowed to grieve my loss. And, one of the reasons that it was a struggle for me, was because an older Pastor’s wife messaged me one day, after reading my list that someone insisted that I post ,yet again on Facebook of our needs. Her message said to me that my list sounded too much like a wedding registry and that it wouldn’t go over very well with the Mainers here. Words. Words are so very powerful! And, what does the Lord say about words? Let the word of my mouth and the meditation of my heart, be acceptable in thy site oh Lord. I let her words cause doubt in my heart, whether my thoughts were pure and whether I should even be ok with mourning these losses! And, I put myself in a spin. Like one of those mouse wheels, I was going round and round headed nowhere fast! So, again, I do not tell any of my experiences for pity sake, but to help jog your mind. I want you to think what have you NOT allowed yourself to mourn over. Because we do that. We don’t allow ourselves to grieve losses in our lives. We take care of everyone else and put ourselves last. We are nurturers to everyone bur ourselves, because we somehow are made to feel guilt. And, that just isn’t of the Lord. 

Ok, so let’s “open the curtains” of Job’s life and see how he might be able to help us with this subject: LOSS. 

I know that if you have been a Christian for very long, you have heard the story of Job a lot of times, and what sticks out in your mind probably is that he was a “Just” man, and that he lost everything. His wife said the famous saying Job, “curse God and die.” And, you, I’m sure, remember his so-called friends not being very helpful, when he really could have used a friend to lean on. Then, I’m sure we remember how the Lord gave Job so much back to him at the end. But, There is soo much in the book of Job! I love the book of Job! 

I want to first start with Chapter 1:1 “There was a man in the Land of Uz, whose name was Job; and that man was perfect and upright, and one that feared God, and eschewed evil.” Wow! Job made a wonderful name for himself! So When God saw Satan, “moseying” here and there on the earth, both in Chapters one and two, he knew that he was up to no good! He was attempting to cause as much trouble for the Lord as he could! So God asked him if he had considered Job? And, the thing I want you to catch here is that God chose Job. He was the one who suggested Job to Satan both times. Satan didn’t choose Job for his loss. Both times, God chose it for him. He trusted Job. The first time, I imagine Satan was pretty excited to get started. And, just like that, in one day, Job lost it all, everything. He lost his oxen and donkeys, all of his sheep and camels and all of the many many servants that were caring for all of these animals. And, then, all of his sons had died as well!  That was a terrible day for Job!  He lost his wealth and his sons all in one day! His first thought wasn’t to get angry, or to try to seek revenge, or even to just scream at God. He rent his clothes, fell down on the ground and worshiped God. He prayed, “The Lord gave, and the Lord hath taken away: blessed be the name of the Lord.”  Now, I’m not saying that he was rejoicing, he was mourning.  But, Job had prepared for the storm! I don’t think that I can begin to understand even a little bit of his loss. But, what I do know is that he wasn’t bitter. That I get! Because, when we got voted out of that church, I can’t say that I was bitter with God, but I sure was bitter at some, not so very kind people! LOL! And, it has taken some good healing to get me to a point that I can see those people now and not feel that way. And, honestly, they are still funny when they see me or my husband. Some will literally lift their chin and turn their heads the opposite direction in distain! And, I will kindly smile and wave and say hello every time, and get the same reaction. But, I don’t do it for spite, but because I am healed now, and I feel no bitterness towards them. 

Then, the second time, Satan still wasn’t content in the destruction he had caused in Job’s life, because he was still faithful to God. So there he went lurking about the earth again, and God asked him again, Hey what are doing? And, he was trying to be very casual just telling him he was just walking here and there, but he was up to no good, once again. So, God again suggested Job to Satan. Have you considered Job? And, this time Satan suggested skin for skin… And, Satan inflicted boils all over Job. Surely Job will cave in this time! You know the story. He didn’t.  But, did you catch that? Again, Satan didn’t choose Job for his loss. Both times, God chose it for him. He trusted Job. He said there is none like him in the earth, a perfect and an upright man, one that feareth God, and escheweth evil? And still he holdeth fast his integrity, although thou movedst me against him, to destroy him without cause.  

So, if we have a loss, know that God approved it. He chose you. He trusted you. He loves us so much, and though in the moment it hurts, He is still there. 

And, then Job had a time of pouring out his grief! He still was not bitter, he was just so sad! He was as low as a man could get. He lost his wealth, his sons, and now his health and all that comes with all of those. If you think about it, his status, his future, financial stability, his health, and there really was very little light at the end of his tunnel. And, he was very verbal about the whole matter at hand! He cursed the day he was born. He spent a whole chapter cursing the day he was born! I’d say that man was in deep mourning or grief. But, 3:25 Says, “ For the thing which I greatly feared is come upon me, and that which I was afraid of is come unto me.” Was he a perfect man as we think of perfect today? No, of course not. He had fears, just like all of us. And, his fears were obvious, losing his wealth and sons. And, yet, the Lord still called him a just man! And, yet, God still chose Job! And, he didn’t just strike him dead right on the spot when he started cursing the day he was born, quite the contrary! He let this whole thing keep unfolding.

And, then when his friends came they weren’t any help at all. Instead, they seemed to pounce on him and tried to make him feel worse. But it didn’t work! Do you know why it didn’t work? He was prepared for his storm! He was already close to his Father! He KNEW his Father, and it didn’t matter what those men told him, they weren’t throwing him for a loop! He was standing firm because everything they said to him he knew just wasn’t describing his Father. Why? Because he KNEW his Father. He prepared for that storm! We can’t live in a bubble, and not get close to our Father. Just living the Christian life out of “habit.” It isn’t going to cut it in that storm. Job’s storm was a doozy! But, those “buddies,” didn’t have anything on him. He was covered. 

And, then God came in and reprimanded the friends and rewarded Job for his faithfulness. 

But, Loss… Did Job suffer loss? Absolutely. And, not just his children. He lost “stuff.” He lost his health, wealth, status, his servants, his future, dreams, financial stability, and there were probably other things as well. Stuff! Was it ok that he grieved those things.. Yes. God chose him for it. And, God is God! He knew how Job would respond to his grief before he chose him! And, He chose him as an example for us! He wanted us to understand that loss comes in soo many different forms. And, though Job didn’t necessarily grieve perfectly..( remember, he cursed the day he was born), it was still ok. Grief is sometimes messy. But, it’s ok. We need to remember that God chose us. He trusted us with our loss. He loves us that much! And, He knows that we have the ability to use it for His glory. And, He absolutely allows us to grieve over every bit of that loss! No matter how big or little it may seem. If God gave it to you, He entrusted it to you. He allowed you to grieve over it. You need to give yourself that same permission as well. Just like He did with Job,  He said hey did you consider Randall and Jodi Sherlin? They're not perfect, but I approve of this happening to them. I approve of this loss for them. I am trusting it to their charge. I know they will use it for my glory. We’re not going to be perfect. None of us are. But, we can do our very best, not to be bitter. And, know that God trusted us with our loss, and that it’s ok to grieve even the little stuff! Even my “silly to me” stuff. He’s ok with it! He approved of my loss, so He approved of my grief as well! So, I am allowed to grieve my KitchenAid! LOL! And, on the other end of it, Let’s make sure that if we are the ones comforting those that are grieving loss, we allow them to grieve. And, that we are careful or mindful of our words. Make sure that we are giving true comfort to those who are hurting. Words can bring sweet comfort and healing if used the way God intended!

I hope and pray this was a blessing to you as it was a blessing to me. I needed this first.