Do you ever feel like a failure and just want to give up? Do you ever feel as if no one cares or loves you? Because that was me. In 2018 I struggled, very much. There was this sin in my life that was just beating me over and over again. I tried to fight the temptation, but it felt like an addiction. I needed it, and if I didn't have/do it, I felt like I was having withdrawals. That's how bad it was.
So, I stopped fighting. I knew I couldn't overcome it, and I was a failure at life. I didn't like going to church anymore. I would get there right when it started, and as soon as it ended I left. I didn't talk to my friends anymore because I didn't feel like I had any. The only person that knew somewhat of what was happening was my Mom. She tried to help me/keep me accountable. But I still failed, so much. There was a time when I would think about driving off the road, and crashing my car. Because I didn't care anymore.

There was thoughts of looking at a knife and thinking about hurting myself, because I was disgusted with myself and didn't care anymore. In October of 2018 my Pastor was preaching. I don't know what he was saying, because I was tuning him out. But, I heard one sentence he said, and I'll never forget it- "You are not alone!". I remember looking up from my notebook and thinking, "Is that true?". He continued to go on and say how everyone is struggling, but that doesn't make them a failure. And even if we do fail, it's not just you, or me....it's everyone. We all fail, but we must fight. Don't look at that failure as a setback, but look at it as I will fight harder next time. I remember just writing everything down as fast as I could. I remember thinking, "I have got to get down to that altar!". When the invitation came, I walked down to that altar and just cried and prayed. Asking the Lord to forgive me, all my failures, all of my thoughts, everything!
I felt an arm around me and I looked up to see, it was my Mom. She prayed and cried with me too, and gave me the biggest hug afterwards!

Friend, I don't know what you are going through, but He does! I don't know what your struggles or your thoughts are, but He does!

Hebrews 13:5b says, "I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee".
He is always going to be here for us, and love us, even when we feel no one does.

Do I still have some thoughts? Yes. Do I still feel like a failure some days? Yes. But. God is faithful, and He is a forgiving God. If you are struggling in a situation, find someone in your church to talk to. I know it's scary, believe me. But, if someone can help you/keep you accountable, then it's worth it!

The devil still fights me everyday, and tries to remind me of all my sins and failures. This is when I need to fight my hardest and stand up against him.

Proverbs 14:12 says, "There is a way which seemeth right unto a man, but the end thereof are the ways of death."

Hebrews 11:25 says, "Choosing rather to suffer affliction with the people of God, than to enjoy the pleasures of sin for a season."

These verses are so true. Sin is miserable. Like my pastor just recently said, "Sin is like the circus, it's always alluring. It wants to detach our heart from God's heart". Stay away from it. When you think that bad thought, think of something else and ask forgiveness. When you see something bad (whether on purpose or not) look away and ask God to forgive you. There is no friend that sticketh closer than a brother, like Him. Cry out to Him today and give him your burdens. Because God loves you, flaws and all!