Beautifully Broken - Kristi Caviness
When most people think of broken, they think of something that is unusable, has lost its value and no longer serves a purpose. God, however, is not limited to man’s knowledge and does not view “broken” the same way. In fact, He often places trials and tribulations in our lives to refine us and make us who we need to be to fulfill His purpose. He “breaks” us to make us beautiful.
In Japan, there is an art form called Kintsugi in which broken pottery is repaired with gold or silver lacquer. The pottery is then viewed as more beautiful than it was in its original form. The flaws and damages are highlighted instead of hidden, and increase the value of the item.
Throughout our lives, there will be situations and circumstances that we won’t understand, that bring us pain and sorrow and that leave us with more questions than answers. Why did my loved one die? Why do I have this disease? Why am I unable to bear children? The list could go on indefinitely.
Almost two years ago, one of these situations occurred in my life when I was diagnosed with Complex Regional Pain Syndrome. I was crushed. This chronic disease has no cure (aside from God choosing to remove it) and no successful established treatment plan. It involves severe nonstop pain, fatigue, cognitive issues, sleep problems, medications that each have their own list of side effects and very limited use of the involved arm and hand. It changed every aspect of my life. I had to step down from ministries I loved and eventually resign from a job I cherished.
My initial response was to question. Couldn’t I do more for the kingdom of God if I were healthy? Wouldn’t my life produce more if I could be involved in multiple ministries? Would all of my dreams for my future become impossible? There were so many questions without satisfying answers.
One day while studying my bible, I came across several passages that truly convicted me. Romans 9:20, 21 says, “Nay but, O man, who art thou that repliest against God? Shall the thing formed say to him that formed it, Why hast thou made me thus? Hath not the potter power over the clay, of the same lump to make one vessel unto honour, and another unto dishonour?” I Peter 4:12, 13 which states, “Beloved, think it not strange concerning the fiery trial which is to try you, as though some strange thing happened unto you: But rejoice, inasmuch as ye are partakers of Christ’s sufferings; that, when his glory shall be revealed, ye may be glad also with exceeding joy.” And Romans 12:1 which says, “I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that ye present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable unto God, which is your reasonable service.”
As I read these verses, my mind went back to the day I surrendered my life to the Lord as a 7th grader at Mt Zion Baptist Camp. I recalled the numerous times I prayed that God would use me in whatever way would please Him most. I remembered the multitude of hymns I sang to the Lord from a sincere heart…Have Thine Own Way, Whatever It Takes, My Life Is Yours to Control, I Surrender All and so many others. I had become so focused on my pain and heartbreak that I was blind to the fact that God was answering my own prayer. He was using my life for His purpose and glory.
Since that day, the way I view my circumstances has radically changed. I can now see the way the Lord is growing me. I have had the privilege of working with and encouraging others who have chronic issues. I have peace that passeth understanding. I have been the recipient of numerous answered prayers. I am able to rejoice. I am beautifully broken.
Elisabeth Elliot once said, “If your prayers don’t get answered the way you thought they were supposed to be, what happens to your faith? The world says God doesn’t love you. The Scriptures tell me something very different.” She also said, “We’re not adrift in chaos. We’re held in the everlasting arms.”
I am not the first to suffer, nor am I the first to struggle with an accurate view of my situation. If we are to be a living sacrifice, we will all be broken at some point so we can grow and learn and become who God needs us to be. He has a purpose for each trial we face, but we must decide how we will respond. Will we allow bitterness, anger and hurt to rule our lives? Will we become trapped by fear and worry? God would have us embrace our heartaches and take them before His throne of grace. He would have us place our trust in Him and rely on His strength and provision to carry us through. He would have us be beautifully broken.
My life is but a weaving between my Lord and me;
I do not choose the colors, He worketh steadily.
Oft times He weaveth sorrow and I, in foolish pride,
Forget He sees the upper, and I the under side.
Not till the loom is silent and the shuttles cease to fly,
Shall God unroll the canvas and explain the reason why.
The dark threads are as needful in the Weaver’s skillful hand,
As the threads of gold and silver in the pattern He has planned.
Grant Colfax Tuller