Thinking of SMORES -For this fun treat to be good… and actually called a s’more- it has to go through some fire.  All that happens once its properly assembled… and makes it something desirable! And we actually want more!  While that doesn’t make sense when we apply that to trials and faith- it makes Godsense!    As much as I enjoy chocolate by itself, marshmallows and graham crackers solo…. Oh they are SO much better with a little fire and ooey gooey melted-ness 😊 YUM-O!!      Personally I don’t like my s’mores scorched or a recovering fire ball.  I’m more of a lightly roasted marshmallow and melted chocolate gal.   While we would love to have complete control over how much fire we get put through… that’s not something we can actually control. 

Thinking back over over the last 506 days…(yes I looked that up J) since I first took Joel in and saw the xray … it’s been a faith journey. 

Past Faith:  January 27, 2020, I took Joel to the ortho walk in clinic after a few months of limping and wondering if it was growing pains.  God carried me through one of the longest days.  Seeing the xray, hearing it’s a tumor, scheduling the ortho oncology appointment for a few days later.  Carried.  I can’t fully explain it any other way.  I remember wondering if it was cancer- was I a cancer mom now? What would treatment be like?   Knowing nothing about bone cancer and being limited in my searching because it was just me and Joel in the exam room until Daddy brought the girls after school. Back when we didn’t take an ipad or kindle and chargers to every appointment!   It was a blessing because it kept me from getting too freaked out and somehow stay calm.  To say I don’t know how we made it through would be false.  I know 100% it was God who carried us through that time of appointments and tests that ultimately led to the diagnosis of Osteosarcoma.   

In the days, weeks and months after that, I can honestly say I don’t know how people go through that without a firm foundation in Christ!   Without going through every instance or random thing that happened – and trust me there is a book worth of stories to tell, I knew it was my relationship with God that was getting me through each day and giving me the strength to do what was needed to do!  To still be honest… I wasn’t reading my Bible all day every day… and there was time when I felt like I was failing because I wasn’t growing by leaps and bounds in the trial.  A wise husband reminded me… there are times when we grow by simply being still… and just continuing to do what we know to do.   APPLYING THE FAITH YOU HAVE!  And we did!   There was many days in the hospital that we would have bible app open with the Psalms playing in Joel’s room.  It was the past faith- playing out in a time when we were in need.  Philippians 4:7And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.   Peace that passeth all understanding?  That was something I’ve never quite experienced before.  Yes we’ve had hard times and walked by faith in our marriage life and ministry path.  But to feel that peace in a time of cancer and chemo, falls, blood clots, and surgery… it’s something I wish I could articulate or put in a bottle to prove to non-believers!  

Something that God did specially for me was allowing our family to draw from the well of past faith… and live it in present faith.  When we received news during this journey – good, bad or ugly- God allowed us to keep our faith and show others.  No we weren’t witnessing or having church services in the hospital… nothing formal or planned.  Each day, God gave us the grace needed to roll with the punches. I can’t count how many divine appointments where we mean someone and was able to share it was God that was with us during this trial!    “It is what it is” was my frequently repeated phrase!  A unique way to do what was needed and make the best of the situation.  Whether it was Bible verses posted around Joel’s room, listening to the Bible and good Christian music, and the beloved Joel tract that we gave to all of our “new friends”, God allowed us, encouraged us to share our faith in new ways.  

Before cancer that looked much different.  Before cancer, our life was home, school and church with minimal interactions outside of those three things. During chemo- we lived there!  I wore my slippers down the hall to get water, return food trays and switch over laundry!  I laugh at the thought of all the “at home” things I did- at the hospital!  Yall would laugh, too! We met so many people… and called them our new friends.  During that time, we weren’t trying to be super Christians and I struggled with so many emotions of being inadequate and failing and falling backwards.  We were just trying to be the parents and advocates that Joel needed, and our girls.  Understand we aren’t anything special.  I truly feel because we lived for God before cancer, He allowed us to show His love in unique ways -DURING CANCER!   

Now comes the next part… future faith-

I’ve mentioned Before Cancer and during cancer. Now I would say we are not done with cancer, but rather in recovery.  Unfortunately, you are only one scan away from relapse.  It’s a reality and truth that we don’t dwell on, but you can’t unknow that either!  Some kids make it years and decades and some have to keep getting back in the battle against the beast of Osteosarcoma.  That’s the stark reality. 

Joel was diagnosed in February and began chemo right away.  Through unfortunate events, he was allowed to stand unassisted and fell.  After weeks of immobility, he developed a blood clot under the tumor.  It was a situation that kept us inpatient more that it should have and even his tumor surgery went longer and recovery was longer than expected.  Joel kept a sweet spirit in the midst of pain and suffering.  His testimony was something that nurses and staff … and everyone noticed!  Our prayer from the beginning has been a song phrase – For my good and for HIS glory!   That’s our end goal! We didn’t choose cancer, but God was not surprised or scrambling to figure out how his story ends.

Job 23:10  But he knoweth the way that I take: when he hath tried me, I shall come forth as gold.

Faith in the future… can look differently for all of us here today.  June 14th my future faith will be tested in a way I pray no one here ever has to face.  Joel will have his 6 month lung scans- the most common area that osteosarcoma pops back up.  My faith keeps me from falling completely apart.  Knowing wholeheartedly that the grace of God that got us through the past 16 months… would be there in abundance if another cancer term was in our path. 

But the days before June 14… that anxiety creeps in- not doubt… but something that totally shocked me the first time he had scans after treatment ended!    Your future faith will look different than mine.  But the same God that has got us through so many twists and turns in the past… is still guiding us in the blessed Proverbs 3:5-6 life  Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding.   In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths

You don’t have to have cancer in your family to have this special testimony.  The mail carrier, grocery cashier, waitress, coworkers and church family…. They see us and see how we live and interact with others.  Every lady reading this and that is saved can have the firm foundation and stand on that in the day of testing! How awesome is that!  To know we can have that past faith- our firm foundation to build on as we continue to grow and learn and serve the Lord.  Our present faith is what those around us can see – in and out of troubled times!   How amazing is it that evening in our worst days, God uses His children – to show His love to others!

Our future faith gets us from the mountains, through the valleys… and back to the beautiful mountain tops again! 

Our story isn’t over.  Joel no longer has a tumor in his femur, yet he isn’t done fighting just yet.  He will have surgery on July 2 to add bone grafts to get the healing kicked into gear.  We pray that this surgery works and his leg heals completely, but if this doesn’t work there are other options after that. 

I don’t know all the answers.  I don’t know what lies ahead.  But I trust and put my faith in the hands of the ONE THAT HOLDS TOMORROW!  That is how we do this thing called life.