Feuding Friends: Euodias and Syntyche
“No, do it this way! You’re making it wrong! It’s not going to turn out right, because you don’t know what you’re doing. You’ll probably burn it, and it will taste awful!” This could be heard throughout our entire church as my friend and I yelled at each other. We had been put in charge of making popcorn for the afternoon bus routes at church that day. This disagreement quickly turned into a noisy pushing and shoving match as two eleven year olds battled it out in the popcorn room. Hair pulling, name calling... We had been best friends for many years, but now we were acting like enemies! I’m ashamed to say that we didn’t speak to each other for a while after that. Over a popcorn machine! We did eventually make things right with the help of our parents, our special friendship was restored.
Friendship feuds are painful to watch, and they are even more painful to be a part of. Sadly, they rarely just involve the two people quarreling, but they almost always draw in the people around them. They have been happening in every generation. Even the earliest churches had to deal with this as well. The Apostle Paul spoke directly to a couple of ladies in the church at Philippi that had an on-going disagreement, and he begged them to resolve their conflict for the cause of Christ. We can learn so much from these two ladies.
Imagine!
The members of the Philippian church are sitting together one Sunday morning, eagerly waiting to hear Paul’s letter, which he had written from the jail in Rome while awaiting trial.
In Philippians 4:2 he says, “I beseech Euodias, and beseech Syntyche, that they be of the same mind in the Lord.”
Paul addresses the conflict going on between Euodias and Syntyche. The Bible does not say what they were quarreling about, but we know that it wasn’t a doctrinal issue or Paul would have identified and corrected it. This was a disagreement which must have been going on long enough to become a known issue. Serious enough that Paul had heard about it from prison! I wonder what they might have been quarreling over...Maybe it started with just a misunderstanding that grew to resentment? Maybe it started outside of the church? Maybe it was a difference in opinion? Maybe it was over how to raise their children? Maybe it started with gossip? We don’t know!
I have seen friendships, marriages, and even whole families torn apart from quarrels. People can sometimes disagree over the silliest little things, sometimes bigger things. It is part of our human nature. We need the Lord’s help in our relationships! The letter of Philippians is loaded with verses that can help us deal with disagreements.
Earlier in his letter, Paul says in Philippians 1:27, “Only let your conversation be as it becometh the Gospel of Christ: that whether I come and see you, or else be absent, I may hear of your affairs, that ye stand fast in one spirit, with one mind striving together for the faith of the Gospel.”
The word “conversation” is talking about our behavior or our lifestyle. “Become” means to be appropriate or suitable to; to make something look good. Does the way we live our life make Jesus look good to others? Specifically in friendships, are we striving together for the cause of Christ? The world will take note of the way we interact with one another.

“Let nothing be done through strife or vain-glory; but in lowliness of mind let each esteem other better than themselves. Look not every man on his own things, but every man also on the things of others.” Phil 2:3,4
According to Paul in these verses, the cure for Euodias and Syntyche’s contention was humility or “lowliness of mind.” Our relationships are sweeter when we focus on others and their needs instead of ourselves.
Disagreements can lead to hurt feelings. We’ve all had our feelings hurt at some point. That little seed of hurt can grow into below the surface anger, resentment, and bitterness, which is fed by self-pity and self-interest...being focused on ourselves. Bitterness will steal your joy and affect everyone around you. Have you ever been around a bitter person? It radiates from them and can even put a damper on the whole atmosphere! Chances are it started with a small seed of hurt that they allowed to grow into something much bigger. (Hebrews 12:15)
Paul talks about having the “mind of Christ” in Philippians 2:5-8. “Let this mind be in you, which was also in Christ Jesus.” He goes on to describe the way Jesus humbled himself and became a servant, even unto death. If Euodias and Syntyche would have focused on serving the other and looking out for the other’s needs, the selfishness would not have been a problem anymore. It takes humility to serve someone else with a heart of love.
Paul exhorted the Philippian believers in Philippians 2:14-16 to conduct themselves without disputes or complaining, so they could shine as lights in a crooked, perverse nation. We are to live blameless and harmless in this world. This whole letter Paul wrote reveals his gentle character and his joy in serving Jesus and others. Much of this letter is about having humility like Jesus did and putting others first. Having the mind of Christ.
Being of the same mind, as Paul exhorted Euodias and Syntyche to be, does not mean that two friends or church members must always agree. Of course not! But we can set aside differences for the cause of Christ and love people like Jesus did. Love is the mark of a true Christian. Our unusual love and care for others is what sets us apart from the world. God’s love and forgiveness is a display of His incredible love and mercy, not our goodness. We could do nothing to merit His favor, yet because of His love for us, He chose to be our friend. Let’s strive to love others like Jesus did. We will have a greater testimony for God if we avoid contention.
Euodias and Syntyche could be any two friends in any church. Let’s think of our own friendships and do all we can to restore unity and fellowship if it has been broken. Don’t let pride and self-interest fuel conflict. Remember the love shown to you by Christ at Calvary, and strive to show this love to others.