Exodus 24:14 "And he said unto the elders, Tarry ye here for us, until we come again unto you:  and, behold, Aaron and Hur are with you:  if any man have any matters to do, let him come unto them."

Before heading off to Bible college I lived with my Pastor's family for a little while.  During that time the Lord gave me a special love in my heart specifically for Pastor's Wife's.  Over the years I have made many friends in the ministry and the Lord has allowed me to have many close friends that happen to be Pastor's Wife's.  Here are just a few tips and reminders that I hope will be a blessing and help you to be able to understand YOUR Pastor's Wife a little more.  

Let Her Be Herself...

Treat her like you would treat any other church members.  Don't lay expectations on her to lead a group or be super involved in certain areas that you may think is "typical".  Please do NOT compare her to your previous Pastor's Wife.  She, just like YOU, is a work in progress.  She, just like you, is uniquely created by God to serve in ways she has been gifted, and according to her season of life.  Give her space to figure this out.  Once she figures it out, and she will, cheer her on like crazy, and encourage her, like you would want to be encouraged!  Absolutely no extra pressure.  

2 Peter 3:18 "But grow in grace, and in the knowledge of our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ.  To him be glory both now and for ever.  Amen."

Give Her the Gift of Time

Chances are she has been burned a time or two in the past when it comes to friendships within the church.  And not only is there the personal pain of betrayal, there are the implications of how that rift might affect her husband's ability to pastor effectively.  It might take her much longer to be comfortable in her congregation than you would think.  Even after much time it is highly unlikely for her to be good friends with others within the church, and this is totally ok, have no expectations.  Let her be herself and let the Lord work.

Respect That She is Human

THINK before you speak.  She is HUMAN.  Remember she is not on the church payroll for being married to the pastor.  She is not on every committee, and doesn't know everything that is going on.  She may not be her husband's secretary.  Don't expect more from her than you expect from yourself.  Don't expect her to initiate every conversation.  Even extroverts have their limits.  Do not complain to her about her husband or the church or even her children.  Treat her with the same respect that you would want to be treated.  She is going to make mistakes, just like you do!

Give Her Grace

Don't assume anything.  Don't assume that she has it all figured out because she is the Pastor's Wife, yes, even spiritually.  She probably misses her bible reading, gets upset with her family, has days she wants to stay in bed, she may even have days she doesn't want to go to church.  She may make bad choices, she may get depressed.  Guess what?!?!?!  She probably even sins from time to time!  But she often feels like she needs to hide that from YOU.  Your trust issues may look different, but she is human JUST LIKE YOU, and her natural instinct is to protect herself from harm the same way any other human would.  

Philippians 3:12 " Not as though I had already attained, either were already perfect:  but I follow after, if that I may apprehend that for which also I am apprehended of Christ Jesus."

Here are some ways that may help not only your Pastor's Wife, but also your church, and even your Pastor.

Keep a happy joyful spirit, it is contagious!  SMILE! SMILE! SMILE!

Be mindful of your place, although your Pastor's Wife is human, she is still your Pastor's Wife.  Remember you are the second fiddle.  I personally do not know much about music, but I have heard many times that without the second fiddle, you can have no harmony!  And I do know without harmony, things are just not what they should be!

Be helpful with church projects or functions, many hands make light work!  

Remember your Pastor's Wife on her birthday and special holidays, if this is not currently happening YOU can be the one that can start a chain reaction at your church!  It just takes ONE to get the ball rolling!  Be that ONE!

Be faithful to all church services and soul-winning times, BE ON TIME, even be early, nothing shows love like being there!  If you are a leader in your church, do better than average, there is a good chance that others will do a little less than what you do.  

Be careful about your friendships with disgruntled church members or members who have left the church not on good terms.  If you are friends, and you are posting on social media, I guarantee, that hurts the heart of your Pastor and Pastor's Wife.

Keep your standards flying high!  

Keep the peace at your church.  Do not join in on gossip.  Change the subject, or just walk away.

Be loyal to your church.  Remember we are all serving TOGETHER.  God made each of us different.  Nobody in your church is perfect, not you or your Pastor's Wife.  She is HUMAN.  Let her be who God made her to be, and love her just like she is!

4 Things your Pastor's Wife needs to hear.

- I appreciate you!

- I am praying for you!

- I respect your leadership and your decisions!

- YOU can count on ME!