“...we are strangers before thee, and sojourners, as were all our fathers: our days on the earth are as a shadow...” (1 Chronicles 29:15)

A beloved Deaf pastor recently shared a story as part of his virtual bible study one week earlier on this year.  It has stuck with me, and has been a repeat thought since.  Allow me: this pastor goes into the state prison in his home state every week to minister to the Deaf inmates there through American Sign Language (ASL) and to share the gospel with these men.  The word LOYAL came up in one of these weekly discussions, and when asked as to its meaning, a particular inmate responded in ASL, “boundaries around me, me STAY, no move”.  To clarify, this inmate was a gang member serving a life sentence for carrying out a murder upon command by his gang boss and therefore his perception of loyalty was in remaining still and within the lines drawn for him by his boss, not to move until told.  In sharing this story later with us, the pastor meant to exemplify how we as believers must remain loyal (obedient) to God and His instruction Book for our lives, by “staying behind boundary lines”.

Oh how I wish that was my life!  I have wandered for much of it.  Brokenly.  Every repeat, reconciled moment with the Lord, I would rejoice in feeling close to Him, yet I would continue sojourning – spiritually never settling down, putting down roots with a home church, developing deep fellowships with other believers – and therefore never getting God's best for me.  My growth was stunted, limited to solitary bible study and the occasional chat with a brother or sister in the faith, for much of my adult life.  And I longed for the Lord, painfully so.

“As the hart panteth after the water brooks, so panteth my soul after thee, O God. My soul thirsteth for God, for the living God: when shall I come and appear before God?” (Psalm 42:1-2)

It appeared I was thriving though in other ways all these years: professionally, I moved rapidly through the ranks of management, attained credibility as a freelancing cultural-linguistic mediator for Deaf people, traveled extensively for work, wrote articles and led several workshops, became knowledgeable in the field of Deaf mental health, and had many associates.  Most recently, I was in a very public role as the executive director for a statewide nonprofit serving my community.  However, in 2019 I became heady from the power and the position, and was influenced by many “advisors”. This resulted in a terrible war between my flesh and soul, and I caved.  I wasn't staying alert.

“Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil, as a roaring lion, walketh about, seeking whom he may devour” (1 Peter 5:8)

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“Watch and pray, that ye enter not into temptation: the spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak.” (Matthew 26:41)

To call me back to Him, I believe God determined He had to do something huge. I lost my position, and any professional status following the fall of 2019 was shut out for me.  My marriage was in shambles.  I had a difficult relationship with one of my three adult children.  I entered a state of deep depression just as the Great Pandemic of 2020 was getting underway.  Truly, I had no inclination that God was actually preparing me for something incredible, unexpected, and amazing – but before I arrived to that point, I needed to be stripped of everything that hindered His work in me.  For two months I mourned the loss of social ties, freedom to move about and fearing the virus crippling our world.  I also was bone-weary with the state of my marriage and was ready to walk out on it.  All of a sudden, I sensed the word “surrender”.  God told me He was bringing me to the end of myself, so that He could become greater in me.  But in order to make that happen, I had to give up everything I held dear.  This was an incredibly painful process!  My relationships, passions, my gifts and talents, my desires – that of wandering some more or that of creating something new for myself – my human life and all in it, had to be nailed to the Cross.  I was being told, “Choose Me.  My boundary around you, STAY.”

“For whosoever will save his life shall lose it: but whosoever will lose his life for my sake, the same shall save it. For what is a man advantaged, if he gain the whole world, and lose himself, or be cast away?” (Luke 9:24-25)

In the months since – the entire summer of 2020 up until now – my relationship with God has been the best I've ever known (Thank You Jesus).  He has answered every prayer I asked (or didn't), and I am blessed.  For example, God brought the church service to me (virtually); He brought my brethren to me (virtually); He told me to pray on my knees, to worship Him in song and praise, to reach out and share the burden of my Kingdom family, and He gave me a new heart for the lost as well as a renewed love for my husband.  I am restored.  My world is my God!  Everything is about Him!  Hallelujah! 

“And this I pray, that your love may abound yet more and more in knowledge and in all judgment; That ye may approve things that are excellent; that ye may be sincere and without offence till the day of Christ. Being filled with the fruits of righteousness, which are by Jesus Christ, unto the glory and praise of God.” (Philippians 1:9-11)

My prayer is Amen and this, that we are strengthened and established, no longer wanderers or continual sojourners in this land when all we have, all we need is already given us through the blood shed freely for us on Calvary.  This passage has become a favorite:

“But the God of all grace, who hath called us unto his eternal glory by Christ Jesus, after that ye have suffered a while, make you perfect, stablish, strengthen, settle you.” (1 Peter 5:10)

May the Lord Jesus Christ come, and find us all established, watching and ready for Him!

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Holy Spirit, faithful Guide, Ever near the Christian’s side;Gently lead us by the hand, Pilgrims in a desert land;Weary souls fore’er rejoice, While they hear that sweetest voice,Whisp'ring softly, “Wand'rer, come! Follow Me, I’ll guide thee home.”

(Hymn: Holy Spirit, Faithful Guide by M.M. Wells)