There are times in our lives when God purposely sends us trials that will ultimately change our lives and the way we think forever. These trials are not sent to be malicious but rather to grow our faith and increase our influence for Him.
Growing up in a home with divorced parents and having moved no less than 35 times in my life, I can honestly say my favorite word is “home”. It’s my favorite place with my favorite people! I would say the old cliché “Home is where you hang your hat”, but in my case it took over a year to hang a picture on my wall for fear that we were going to move again and I would just have to take it down. I love security! I struggle though with “Letting go and letting God”. I despise change and when it comes I do everything in my power to make it a smooth transition.
A little over a year ago, we signed papers on our beautiful home. It’s been a tremendous blessing to live in our great neighborhood with my amazing friends and neighbors. This last summer, God sent fires to Oregon. I grew up in California, so I was used to yearly fires. It had been dry all summer and the threat of high winds made conditions even more dangerous. The night it started, I didn’t sleep at all because just behind our neighborhood, about a mile away, was a HUGE fire! The winds were approaching 40-60 miles per hour! I couldn’t sleep because I wanted to be ready if they made us evacuate. I could see the flames in the distance from our house. I wasn’t scared.. just prepared. Aimlessly, I went through the house. I tried to pack all the things one could think of. You know, the most important “things” we possess in this life. I got our “important paper” file, laptops, a bag with a few outfits, and our wedding pictures. I honestly didn’t think we would need to evacuate so I didn’t give my best effort. The next morning I left to work and didn’t think twice about my home. By the time school was over.. our town and our home was under threat. It was too late for us to go home for anything! My incredible husband packed the car and got our doggies out. I tried to remember all the “things” we needed so we didn’t forget anything important. I still only had the little bag I packed, but in the rush we were in, it was more important to get out of there than to collect more “things”. I remember feeling utterly embarrassed! We live in a home that is over 3000 sq ft and the only “things” that actually mattered fit in the back of our minivan. Ultimately, we stayed in a hotel for a week waiting to hear the fate of our home. At one time I remember the media telling us that it would just be a matter of time before the fire took our entire town. Our hearts were broken.
I found myself constantly checking online to see any new information, and texting friends and coworkers. I felt utterly helpless. Not my favorite place to be. It was during this time I truly understood what it meant to “let go and let God”.
I remember thinking about the fact that I was teaching my girls how to respond to trials. I didn’t want them to see a bad example but my heart was so broken. My heart needed security, I needed to know that everything was going to be ok. I have been a pastors wife for over 17 years! I tell people all the time to have faith! I give them Bible verses and sit with them as they weep over circumstances, but when faced with my own trial, I caved. Exhausted, I wept and prayed. Suddenly scripture began to flood my mind. Isaiah 41:10, Fear though not for I am with thee, be not dismayed, for I am thy God. I will strengthen thee, Ye I will help thee, ye I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness.
I was helpless...but He was my very present help in trouble. I felt alone... He reminded me that He would never leave me nor forsake me.
I was afraid.. He reminded me that He was not the author of my fear. For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.
I begged God to forgive me for my lack of faith. Yep, that’s what it was! It was sin! My worry, doubt and fear was SIN. Finding security in my earthy possessions was also sin. God gave me a beautiful home but that is not where I find my security. If he had chosen to take it, He would still be good! In the end, God miraculously spared our home. God allowed me to go through a trial so I would grow through the trial. Even after being saved for 25 years I still feel that sometimes I am God’s toddler. When faced with trials beyond our control, let’s remember to “Let go and Let God”.