Often at parties or in Sunday School class we play the game "Who am I?" Play along with me for a moment. Here are the clues. I write nursery and cleaning schedules. I teach a class. I try to speak to everyone at Church on Sunday. I entertain strangers - often with no advance notice. I need to be ready to rejoice and cry with others...many times on the same day. "Who am I?"

For 35 years I was privileged to hold that title (33 of those years in the same church). For most of that time I loved my "job". For all the other times I tried to remember Paul's advice in Philippians 4:11 "Not that I speak in respect of want for I have learned, in whatsoever state I am, therewith to be content." My life's verse was Galatians 6:9 "And let us not be weary in well doing for in due season we shall reap if we faint not." That verse carried me through many situations and I know that most of you can relate. Then one day in December, 2016, at the age of 55, my beloved pastor husband died of cancer. The ministry job of being a pastor's wife which I had been almost my entire life suddenly ended. A pastor's/missionary's widow loses not only her husband, but the only pastor she has known for years, her title, her ministry, most likely her church, and often herself. My new verse that I clung to was Psalm 61:1-3 "hear my cry, O God; attend unto my prayer. From the ends of the earth will I cry unto Thee when my heart is overwhelmed: lead me to the rock that is higher than I. for thou hast been a shelter for me, and a strong tower from the enemy."

Over the past 2 and a half years I have been in the process of discovering the new me. Of course I am doing it kicking and screaming as I "Just do the next thing" (Elisabeth Elliot). God guided me gently and allowed to be surrounded by a loving church family and people that helped me with things I didn't think I could do.

I have found that I really didn't know how to minister to those who lost spouses when I was a Pastor's wife. Of course, I knew the right words to say but it wasn't until I was on the other side of the coin that I realized I didn't have a clue! The people that helped me the most in that aspect were those who had lost spouses as well. that's why God gave us II Corinthians 1:3b-4 "...the God of all comfort; who comforteth us in all our tribulation that we may be able to comfort them which are in any trouble, by the comfort wherewith we ourselves are comforted of God." I have been blessed and encouraged by the ladies on this site who have been where I am and have shared their journey with me.

As pastors'/missionaries' wives remember the widows in your church. Don't feel you have to do it all yourself....but create a culture among the people in your church of having compassion on others and putting that into action. Remembering special occasions or "just because"

moments with flowers, a card, a call, a text; planning ahead for someone to help with yard work, snow removal, and the hundred and one other things that come up (especially if the widow was a spoiled wife like me!); inviting them over for dinner, games, or an outing (Psalm 68:6); helping with children so she can have a "sanity day or hour"....lots of ideas. The main thing is TO KEEP IN TOUCH. Finding a new identity is brutal but made so much easier with genuine, caring, friends.

For my fellow widows, I have recently been looking at I Timothy 5:10 (and that is a whole other article!) and it inspires me to keep doing what I can in ministry even though I am not "the Pastor's wife" anymore. ( I did eventually find I needed to move to a new church where I could continue my journey but this is a personal choice that is different for each "former" pastor's wife). Galatians 6:9 is feeling more a part of my life again.

In closing, in the middle of my identity crisis one thing has NOT changed. I am still the beloved daughter of my heavenly Father who will never leave me nor forsake me and who DAILY loadeth me with benefits. I am a masterpiece in the making.