On June 14th, my youngest Son passed away. He was only 29 years old, the baby of the family. He was a Son, Brother, Grandson, Father, Husband, Friend and so many other things to people. He was funny, intelligent, caring, giving, special and super sweet. He was a 10 year Cancer survivor. That only tells you a few things about him.  To me he was my baby, my sweet boy who made his mom laugh and shared my love of pugs just to name a few things. 

June 14th was a Monday, I was sleeping still when my husband came to wake me up and tell me Johnny was gone.  As is my nature I wanted to run to him but was told no. I remember sitting on the side of my bed feeling like my world had crumbled and all was dark.  The next days were filled with all the things that have to be done and oh so many tears.  I can’t tell you much about those days except to say I felt like I was walking in a daze.

As the days turned into weeks I began to see myself as broken. Broken beyond repair by mans standards. I couldn’t do anything to make myself better. I couldn’t bring my Son back.  I wouldn’t want to do that.  He is finally completely happy, no pain, no sorrow, no tears.  But God can make me better so I talk to the Lord on a constant basis because you see He never left me.  Hebrews 13:5 …..I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee.  I can tell you that is very true.  It took a while before I could read my Bible without crying but that did not matter because His Word is Hid in My heart.  Psa_119:11  Thy word have I hid in mine heart,….  I can tell you that is true also.  And I turned to the same verse God gave me when Johnny had cancer. Psa_125:2  As the mountains are round about Jerusalem, so the LORD is round about his people from henceforth even for ever. 

As I looked at my broken self I began to see that I couldn’t be fixed.  I will never be whole in the way I was before again.  But what I did see is that God does not fix us he fills in the cracks and broken pieces of our heart with Himself.  Kind of like when you crack or break something like a vase and you fix it with super glue.  God fills in those cracks and broken pieces of our heart with Himself just like super glue.  But its better its God Glue!  

I feel like I am living in that Poem “Footprints In The Sand.” God is carrying me as He glues me together. How long will I need to be carried, I don’t know.  Will I be able to stand on my own sometimes.  I think so.

As I go on this journey with my Lord I have been asked by many. “How do I talk to a grieving person?”  The first thing I would tell you is make sure if you really want to ask them how they are doing.  I am a very honest person and not everyone can hear the truth well.  The second is if you do want to ask and really do care say “How are you doing today?”  That last word is very important!  In grief things change quickly.  Sometimes minute by minute.  The truth is I am still in the process and will be for a long time.  I have written this while tears stream down my face.  What the grieving person needs the most are your prayers and your love.